This is an old one, written after Jennie Love Hewitt moved on from Party of Five, long before Medium and Jamie Kennedy. For some reason, she's always bugged me...
I remember the first time I saw Party of Five. There's this psychological theory that says if we go through some traumatic event, we try to make the best of it so we can deal with it and hopefully make it through.
I tried to drool over the girls. Neve Campbell was pretty cute till she opened her mouth. I remember seeing Jennifer Love Hewitt and thinking "hey that scrawny could be hot if she only had boobs." Lacy Chrebet was too young to note, but who knew the hotness she would blossom into?
Sometimes I don't realize my own power. My words came back to haunt me. Be careful what you wish for.
It was a slow night, not much at the movie store. I picked up I Know What You Did Last Summer, Jennifer Love Hewitt's (JLOHEWs) first foray into the film world, I think. The cover of the video features JLOHEW in the foreground with these suddenly giant bazooms. On the cover, all revolved around her boobs, it's like they were the twin suns of Tatooine.
Her boobs were like costars in the film, they should have had their own double billing. Thank God they survived. Not ALL of her friends for killed in the movie.
After viewing the film, I knew what JLOHEW did last summer. She got some boobs. Hewitt had become code for "huge tits." Problem is, she's got these porno knockers on this twig of a body. They're bigger than her head. I'm hunched over when SHE walks and MY back hurts. Her bra straps cut into MY shoulders.
JLOHEW broke on of my rules. Two word: PRO PORTION. The rule of proportion. Boobs have to be proportionate to the body. Subtlety is an art, even if it looks good in a sweater. Maybe they WANTED to distract people from the plot.
If Party of Five did a reunion, it would have to be Party of Seven because of JLOHEWs boobs.
Now we know why Neve did the steamy makeout scene with Denise Richards in Wild Things. She had to do something to counter JLOHEWs boob job.
JLOHEW used to push Noxema. Maybe if she rubbed it on her boobs, they'd shrink down a bit, into proportion.
No comments:
Post a Comment