The Lord of the Rings
Also remember that cubic zarconias almost look like diamonds, and diamoniques are replaceable for life.
Think about it though…do you want the representation and symbol of your love and devotion to be tantamount to costume jewlery? Who not get a lollipop ring then. Kill two birds with one stone, engagement ring and delicious snack. It’s a big diamond shaped thing isn’t it? You probably forgot to tell her about your time in prison too.
If you love her, buy her a diamond. The come in all shapes and sizes, in all price ranges. I’ve seen engagement rings that are $200 and engagement rings that are $50,000. You buy it, don’t make her buy it even if you pay her back. She’ll tell her Mom and her friends.
I’m going to tell you this: shopping for a diamond ring is like shopping for a car. If you’re just looking, they’re going to do everything they can to get you in that diamond today.
That’s why you’re there right? What’s the hesitation? Are you sure you really want to marry this girl? See what I’m saying? It’s the mind games man! You gotta be ready. Your best bet is to do some research beforehand. Reputable jewelers will have information on the Websites to help you with the four C’s. Cut, clarity, carats, color. They often leave out the fith C: cost. That’s up to you too.
Diamonds have different colors, the clearer and whiter the diamond, the better the quality, and the more the expense. Diamonds also have different cuts. Trust me she has a favorite. You better find out which one.
Clarity is how clear the diamond is, the clearer the better. Carat is the weight of the diamond, and the measurement of how much you love your fiancee. Just kidding. Sort of.
It’s important for her to show of to her friends though.
She’ll also have a preference of gold, silver, platinum, etc. Platinum is popular and expensive, but sctraches easily. If you can, go for white gold, much more practical. If she likes gold, it’s not an issue. Just try and remember whether she like gold or silver.
They’re going to try and make it a relaxing easy decision for you. Always remember this will be one of the biggest purchase you’ll make, both expense and importance.
I think the plan goes like this: it’s mostly guys that shop for engagement rings and throw down a couple of grand, or throw down nothing and strectch payments of a FEW grand over a FEW years.. The stores hire attractive girls to dress nice and flirt with the guys buying the rings. It’s the whole stripper/female working in male clothing store for commission mentality. They get a cut so don’t care who the Hell you are, just what you spend and what their commission is!
The holy grail of rings for a girl is the Tiffany’s ring. You’ll pay at least twice as much, and you’re probably paying for that signature light blue box. If you can afford It and want to go this way go for it. Seeing that box will give your fiancee a bigger orgasm than you will ever be able to. You could probably even get away with a cubic zarconia or diamonique in a Tiffany’s box.
The thing I will say about Tiffany’s is that the staff is helpful. You might want to go in and do some of your research there. Put on your outfit and pretend like you dress like that all the time. Ask for the free video on picking a diamond, for when you “come back to Tiffany’s, ready to buy.”
A lot comes down to the ring. I’m not sure if it’s more for your fiancee or for her to show off, but that’s all part of the game. Remember if her friends squeel like a warthog in an outback snare, you’ve done a good job.
Your girl is special and the ring should be special. Yes, you can get an engagement ring for a couple hundred bucks. If you’re considering this route however, you might be too broke or too young to make the commitment. If you’re shopping in the mall by the back gat of the military base and your budget is $100 maybe you should wait. You’d probably rather spend that with your buddies on a few lap dances down at the strip club. Don’t marry the stripper though. Just “date” her for a while.
You can always buy it on credit like I did!
Engagement Pictures
I understand engagement pictures are important. I’m sure we look different since we decided to get hitched, and that out friends and realatives forgot what we look like. I understand that some of her friends and relatives don’t know me and want to see the happy couple. Let’s send everyone a photo they’ll magent to the fridge a month or two and then throw away when they get sick of the “happy couple.”
I understand the tradition of the engagement picture. I want to preserve our happiness too.
What I have a problem with is the timing of engagement pictures.
You see, there’s this sport called football. There are 17 weeks in the regular season of the National Football League, or NFL. Each team plays 16 games, and gets one week off. These games are usually on Sundays, in the mornings or afternoons, sometimes in the evening.
The last thing I want to be is a fair weather fan. You have to be loyal to your team, thick and thin. All I ask is three or four hours on 16 Sundays in the Fall and Winter.
This one Sunday comes along, and my team is tied for first place with two division rivals. Big game day.
I was informed the night before that I “might have to tape the game.” We were doing engagement pictures the next day. Watching a taped game is just not the same expereince. It doesn’t feel “live.”
With two days in a weekend, why do we have to do engagement pictures on Gameday?
I don’t schedule anything during “Survivor” or Lifetime movies.
Sex and the Minibar Scam
If you’re planning a wedding, chances are you’ll have guests from out of town. They’ll need somehwere to stay and you don’t want them stinking up your house. You’ll want to scout out some hotels for them and give them some options.
This can be a lovely day trip for you and you blushing bride. Make a day of it. A nice drive, see some hotels, plan a nice dinner.
Don’t forget the free action.
You should go to the hotels to check them out. You’re going to want to recommend some quality establishments. How can you make recommendation if you haven’t tried it out your self. What I’m tellin’ you is this is an opportunity for free sleaz sex.
The Bridal Shower
The bridal shower is that crowning event of womanhood where your bride-to-be gets together with her girlfriends and gay male friends. They carouse, drink, remineesce, talk about the groom, talk about men. Most importantly, gifts are given.
The shower, as opposed the the drunken fest that is the Bacheloreet Party, is the more somber event. The sentimental event where your fiancee’s sweet old aunts, your mother and her mother-in-law will be. I say, why can’t they BOTH be drunken fests. I should have known that with my girl, they would be.
Men generally don’t know what goes on behind closed doors at the bridal shower. This event is often off limits to the manfolk. We think it’s prim and proper because the moms are there. Little do we know they’ve actually ordered up a “fireman” to “come out a fire out” with his “hose.” Only thing is, he’s no fireman, there’s no fire, and he’s got quite a hose. Don’t worry, he’s probably gay, he’s in too good of shape to not be.
You know how these all women parties go. The booze starts flowin,’ the party starts, and the toys come out. The girls switch into skimpy lingerie to “get a little more comfortable.” Then, there’s the requiste pillow fight.
The moms and aunts are off with the gay fireman helping him wind up his hose. Your fiancee and her hot friends are experimenting with each other. It’s sweet, innocent and beautiful. This behavior should be encouraged.
The evening ends with a mass shower where the girls all wash each other. Thus, the term “Bridal Shower.”
Allright, that’s a bit dramatized.
The Bridal Shower is where your fiancee and her friends and realtives get together to reminesce. Gifts are given. If you’re lucky you’ll even get to go. I did.
The Father of the Bride and the Sex Issue
It makes me nervous to realize that my future father in law must be thinking about the things I will be doing, or have done already to his Princess.
My mother in law’s eagerness for grandkids doesn’t help the case. WE all know how grandkids get made. When a Mommy and Daddy love each other a whole lot, they get naked and the Daddy spanks the Mom and pulls her hair.
You don’t want her Dad pointing at you at the reception during his speech after he’s had a few. “You! I know what you plan on doing to my little girl!”
What it all comes down to is that at the reception everyone knows what will be going on later…most likely much later. More likely another day or night. Her Dad probably wants to kill you, your buddies want to high five you, and her Mom just wants grandkids. She doesn’t care how they get there.
What’s interesting is that if her parents knew you had messed around with their daughter before marriage, they’d hate you, try to kill you and tell her she could never see you again. Once your married though, it’s all cool baby, at least with Mom. She’ll bring it up at dinner, suggest technicques and positions, and track your ovulation and laminate it for you with a wallet sixed version of the chart.
It’s sort of like the old “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” theory. Supposedly you’ll buy the cow (nice reference to your bride to be), if you’re now getting the milk. I’m cool with that. I’ll buy the cow to get the milk. Only thing is that I have to tast the milk before I buy it.
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