Barack Obama Is a Muslim Anti-Christ Socialist Without a Real Birth Certificate

Barack Obama Is a Muslim Anti-Christ, Without a Real Birth Certificate. There, I said it. Phew. I don’t believe a word of it, but I said it. I’ve been stewing over this since the election.

Last night, my wife and I went out to have a lovely anniversary dinner. Thank you, thank you, it’s been seven years. We went to our little favorite Italian restaurant and were seated next to a family there for a mom’s birthday.

I don’t like to be seated close to people in restaurants because you can overhear conversations. I like to listen, but I don’t like to be heard.

So anyway, we’re talking, they’re talking, and I hear a reference to the Red Faction terrorist group that perks my ears up “nice obscure terrorist group reference,” I think. Then the table’s conversation shifts to politics in general, I’m listening with one ear.

The birthday Mom: “Well, you know he’s the anti-Christ.”

An older lady at the table, her mom or maybe even grandmother, “Oh, don’t say that, he’s our President.”

Birthday Mom: “You’ll see, we’ll ALL see. He’s the anti-Christ. We’ll all see soon enough.”

I nearly spit my pasta out.

Then the older lady said something like, “Well, I always say don’t talk about politics or religion, it always gets you in trouble…”

The conversation toned down and they left soon after.

I voted for President Obama, and was proud to do so. He’s had a tough time, and I haven’t agreed with everything he’s done. He said it wasn’t going to be easy, and he’d stumble along the way, and he has.

I respect that birthday mom has an opinion, and she can have that opinion in our free society, but she doesn’t need to be blasting it across the restaurant. And it’s not just because I disagree with her, but she should keep her ignorance to herself. Save it to corrupt her poor toddler son who was running around the table. Of course, we do live in Temecula California where “No On Prop 8” demonstrators lined the streets.

What makes President Obama the anti-Christ? Really, what is it? Is it because he’s a Democrat? Is it because he’s part African American? Is it because he’s a different kind of politician? Is it because he wanted to try and change things? Is it the horns, forked tail and pitchfork? The constant quoting of Revelations and the “Left Behind” series and his aversion to all things Kirk Cameron?

To loosely quote one of my favorite politicians, Sarah Palin, “How’s that hope and changey stuff workin’ out for ya?” Just fine so far Sarah, but it’s going to take some time. How’s that governor job working out for ya? Oh ya, that’s right, you QUIT. How are those ETHICS probes workin’ out for ya? Oh ya, ONGOING.

Obama was my first Democratic vote. I’m no Republican either my friends. I’ve been an Independent for years.

Obama is hardly the anti-Christ, we all know that’s Bill Gates. Or Sarah Palin. Or Paris Hilton. Or Will Smith. C’mon, think about it, no one is that lucky. Tom Cruise is out of the running; he’s had a rough few years.

Obama’s also not some Muslim terrorist, who is going to open the gates and let Al Qaeda in. We won’t be wearing turbans and burkhas. Don’t worry. His father was a Muslim, and young Barack briefly went to a Muslim school. I went to schools in Germany. I’m not a German. Plus, what if he WAS a Muslim. It’s a RELIGION. It’s radical Muslims we should be worried about. Funny how no one seems to be worried about the RADICAL CHRISTIANS how have taken over the agenda of the Republican party.

And then there’s the birth certificate thing. Obama doesn’t have a real birth certificate so he can’t legally be President. Do the Teabaggers really think someone didn’t check this out? Do you really think this was overlooked?

“Age, check! Money, check! Application to be President, check!…OK, you’re good to go!”

It’s easy to find plenty of proof that a valid birth certificate from Hawaii has been supplied and verified. Oh, but it MUST be fake! The anti-Christ wouldn’t have a birth certificate from Hawaii; he comes from the deepest bowels of HELL!

Is Pres Obama a closet Socialist? A Marxist? Is he waiting to open the floodgates of Communism!? Most folks if they read actual communist/socialist theory under a different name probably wouldn’t think it was so bad, BTW. Unfortunately, we’ve never really seen it in wide practice, and it either gets perverted (Marxist-Leninism, Maoism), or just doesn’t WORK (the Soviet Union). I know, what about China? Well, what ABOUT China? Cheap toys, bikes and Kung Pao chicken, I say!

I’ve never seen any backlash towards a President in the years I’ve been following politics. Not even when President Bush Jr. supposedly rigged and stole two elections.

What we really need to fear is the swing towards right wing extremism and unreality. Things like saying ANY President is the “anti-Christ” or a “Muslim,” or that after legitimately winning an election, he’s unqualified because his birth certificate is fake.

Is it so shocking that Barack Obama wanted to be President to try and bring hope and change, and a different type of leadership? He became part of a system so stagnated, corrupt and archaic, and hit “stumbling blocks.” Is it so shocking to think that he’s a patriotic American trying to do what he can? Part of his style is communication and compromise, something new to our politics and international agenda as a whole. It IS different and necessary.

Is it so shocking to believe no President has been Evil with some Evil agenda? Perhaps President Bush jr was sincere in thinking that two wars were necessary…plus Saddam Hussein tried to kill his Daddy.

WAIT, Barack Obama’s middle name is Hussein!

Maybe Bill Clinton wanted to bring some change, and get some sweet BJs along the way from the weakest zebra in the herd interns.

OK, I’ll give you Richard Nixon as Evil President with an agenda. That’s why he’s perhaps my favorite President!

It goes both ways though…there’s the extreme Left as well. Like the 9/11 conspirators. This one gets me going almost as much as Barack Obama is the anti-Christ. I mean really? REALLY? Even Willie Nelson is a 9/11 conspirator. How much pot have you been SMOKING Snoopy Nelson?

I find it impossible to believe that the US government would crash two planes into the World Trade Center, one into the Pentagon, and then try to get another to crash into the Capital or White House. Of course the conspirators would say I’m being naïve. They would say, “have you seen the videos?” The Internet videos of the supposed FAKE planes crashed into the WTC? The video of the MISSILE shooting into the Pentagon.

Yes, I’ve SEEN the videos, the planes look pretty real to me as they did over and over when the whole thing happened, Sept 11, 2001. The missile video didn’t look too real though.

I’ve SEEN the videos. I also saw the giant hole in the side of the Pentagon. You could see it from my father’s grave at Arlington National Cemetery when he was buried. I’ve also been to Ground Zero. I was in New York City 3 weeks after 9/11/01. So I’ve been there, all looked pretty real to me. Plus, I know people who knew and lost people in the Towers and on the planes.

From what I know, the conspiracy goes that the Bush Jr administration planned the whole 9/11 attack for an excuse to go to war with Afghanistan, and then with Iraq. Supposedly the heat from a jet explosion wouldn’t be enough to melt the tower girders and make them collapse in on themselves the way they did. Hmmm…I’m no demolition expert, but I’d think two jumbo jets could cause some damage to a couple of decades old skyscrapers. Especially after King Kong hung on them in “King Kong 77,” weakening the structures.

I don’t think President Bush Jr came up with this plan as justification to go to war with Afghanistan and Iraq. I think Al Qaeda came up with a plan to crash planes into the WTC, Pentagon and the capitol or White House hoping to cripple the United States’ political, financial and military infrastructures. The plan didn’t work. I think Pres Bush Jr went to war with Afghanistan as the Taliban had harbored Al Qaeda.

I also think the whole WMD in Iraq and Iraqi ties to Al Qaeda were trumped up so the US could go to war with Iraq. This doesn’t even take into account we’re now fighting groups and governments we used to support and give money and weapons to. We supported Iraq in their war against Iran, and Bin Laden, and Afghani factions in what would eventually become parts of Al Qaeda and the Taliban in the 80’s war against the then Soviet Union. Oh, the Cold War was so much easier with the clearly defined enemies!

But, once again, I don’t believe the US government is responsible for 9/11 as an excuse to go to war. That’s as unbelievable as the events of 9/11 themselves. Before 9/11 if someone came up with that idea for a movie, it wouldn’t pass muster. Too unbelievable, they’d just remake an 80’s movie like Die Hard. Or maybe that WOULD be Die Hard IV. The truth is stranger than fiction, but not as strange as conspiracy theorists would like us to believe.

Call me naïve, but I think President Obama truly wanted to try and change the way things are done in politics and the world. He’s not a traditional baby boomer politician. He’s not from the WWII or Vietnam era politicians. Those guys, like John McCain, are getting old and crusty. It’s a new generation leading. Our leaders are not going to be all war veterans. We can’t blow up whom we want anymore. The enemies are not black and white. Love it or leave it, we’re reaping some of what we’ve sown. The political stage domestically and internationally has changed. Things are different.

Will I vote for Obama in 2012? I don’t know yet, depends on who else is running. I WILL vote AGAINST Sarah Palin. You bet’cha!

I don’t think Pres Bush Jr was Evil either. Dick Cheney, maybe. Apparently that black heart keeps conking out on him. I think Bush wasn’t the sharpest tool in the White House and was taken advantage of by guys like Carl Rove, who have been taking advantage of Republicans for years. You can be smart, have jowls, and still be evil. Whose REALLY running the show? Conspiracy theory!

Anyway, what do I know?

Like the lady at dinner said “don’t talk about politics or religion, it always gets you in trouble…”

Of course, if Barack turns out to be a Muslim Anti-Christ Socialist Without a Real Birth Certificate, never mind.

Thoughts On Lindsay Lohan and other Celebrity Convicts

Lindsay was released from the cooler this morning. Straight to rehab, what a shame. The bighouse where she had it so rough she couldn’t have her hair extensions, makeup, or smokes.

She got her meds and Twizzlers though.

Of course, Lindsay was in jail for less than two weeks, at the sheriff’s discretion and could be released early due to overcrowding, just like Paris Hilton. So Lindsay and Paris get released early because the jails are overcrowded, but how many “non celebrity” inmates get the same privilege? I’m sure the Kardashians got bounced early too.

Obviously, our celebrity obsessed culture has convinced these people they are important and above the law, and the rules of society. They can do what they want, roll deep and crash their cars on coke, things like that.

Paris’ house is filled with photos of…Paris, according to a recent piece in Esquire. She’s had multiple reality shows. She gripes about how much she “works.” Paris is famous for being rich and famous. Her “work” is being a celebrity, traveling, and partying. And making herself look like an idiot. It’s not her fault she was born into such privilege, but it’s her fault the way she takes advantage of it. I gripe about it, but I read the article. “Hey, a Paris Hilton article!” She always looks so nice and clean.

The Kardashians are the same. Famous for being famous. Initially for being FOPs, Friends of Paris. They jetset, pose for the paparazzi, have reality shows, and go to jail. More taking advantage of privilege. Their Dad was one of O.J.s attorneys. I also at one time dated one of their distant cousins. She was distant enough NOT to be rich, BTW.

Same with Lindsey. At least she’s got a few movies under her belt, but she’s most known for being a screw up and a party girl. And on again off again lesbian. When it’s convenient. A lesbian of convenience. A convenian.

Sure, Lindsay needs help, they all do. They need a real dose of reality, not one from a show, or a two-week stint in the jail in isolation. Put ‘em in a cell with some crazy crack bitch, or gang banger. See who’s wearing the extensions at the end of the night, and eating the Twizzlers.

At any level, money doesn’t get you class, or make you have class. Money lets people do what they want. People will let you get away with it because you can pay for whatever you want, and they want to live vicariously through you. It’s about how you’re raised, what you’re taught. If you’re taught you’re different and better than everyone else, you’ll believe it.

Real class is treating people with dignity and respect, whoever it is. Whether you agree with their lifestyle choices or not.

We’ve always been obsessed with celebrity and glamour. It just seems in the new century the “reality” boom has bred this new breed of celeb that is famous for being famous. TV is rife with reality and gossip shows. The Internet is rife with Perez Hiltons, and celebs twittering.

Perez Hilton is another one…he’s famous and rich for spreading gossip. Ah, the American Dream at work. The Internet connects us all together, but lets us all be a little bit of a pseudo celeb on our Facebook, Twitter or blog.

Then there’s the paparazzi. Rags will pay so much for an exclusive photo; these photogs will go to unbelievable lengths to shoot something exclusive.

Hey, they got me, I read, listen, and watch. It’s the train wreck principle. We can’t look away as we drive by the accident. I gripe about it, but I still listen, read and watch. Maybe I’m just jealous. I want the money and to be able to do what I want and get away with it. Go to jail, and get out in a couple of weeks. I’d like to think I would take advantage of privilege, but if I hadn’t, I’d be a different person, and just might become convinced I’m better than everyone else.

My Seed Could Find No Purchase In the Rocky Soil Of Her Loins

When my wife and I decided to have a second kid, it took a while. I was willing to keep trying, but even I was starting to get concerned. If we were teenagers in the backseat of a car, it would have taken one time. If you’re a relatively responsible married couple, it can take a while. We were a little older than average, but we became concerned there was an issue.

OK, My wife was convinced there was an issue with my “seed.”

She did her part; she went to her GYN to see if there were any issues on her end. Her GYN looks JUST LIKE Dr. Juliet from LOST, you know, the fertility doctor on the island. Creepy. Not as creepy as asking her why all the babies die on the island in a waiting room full of expectant mothers.

SO, Dr. Lost asks my wife how often we’re…“trying.” My wife told her “3 to 5 times a week.” I think even her doctor laughed. We didn’t “try” that much on our honeymoon. I didn’t masturbate 3 to 5 times a week when I was 15…all right maybe it’s accurate in that case, but c’mon. I could tell you the last date, time, and day of the week and what we had for dinner the last time we “tried.” My wife couldn’t tell you if we did it this afternoon, but probably thinks we did.

Ultimately, Dr. Lost told her to relax and keep trying, everything was normal. And that maybe her husband or partner or lover should get checked.

My wife suggested I go get my sperm counted. That sounded OK to me, I’d seen it in the movies. You go into a swanky office, all the nurses are super hot and cool, and offer to “help with anything you need,” porno mags and videos, high fives all around. Cigars, beer, barbeque, lounging around in comfy robes after you submit your “sample.” Some place you think you’d want to hang out on a regular basis. Like a Gentleman’s Club.

Of course then there’s reality.

Jerking off into a plastic cup in the shower, while your wife laughs at you and refuses to “help.” An unrealistic timeline for delivery, an irritated nurse, and an old bitter doctor who tells you your count is “OK” but the sample had “low volume.” I told him it was low because we’d had sex “3 to 5 times” that week. I’d like to see his “volume” after jerking off into a cup in the shower.

But back to delivering the sample…

After “collection” there was a 30-minute window to get the sample to the lab. Now, you’re in the shower so you have to finish that, dry off, and get dressed. We lived a good 15 minutes from the lab. If I hit traffic or couldn’t find parking it might mess up the sample, and I could be…screwed…and have to relive the whole process again. Then someone could say, “He can’t even get masturbation right.”

I thought about “collecting the sample” in the office parking lot or restroom, but that’s not something you want to go to jail for, and have the other boys find out.

So, I get there barely in time, and run into the office of the lab. There’s a line of grandmas getting their regular tests and drug addicts probably getting their regular tests. I get to the window and the receptionist asks me what I’m there for.

“Dropping of sperm sample,” I whisper.

“Excuse me?”

“Dropping of sperm sample,” I whisper again.

“Dropping of what?

“Sperm sample!” I say louder as the needle rips off the record, the music stops, no one is talking, and I sound like I’m screaming. All the grandmas knew I’d rubbed one out in the last half hour. Even the drug addicts were shaking their heads. Security was called, babies started crying.

Of course, we did get pregnant again, after we decided to relax.

We had a son. Already had a daughter, had our bookends.

After number two was born, we decided we were done. Or I was done. A friend of my wife’s said she shouldn’t get her tubes tied, in case it “doesn’t work out” with me, and she still wants to have kids.

So it was decided I would get the tubes snipped.

It’s odd to lie on a table in a very non-operating looking room office, get local anesthesia needled into your penis, and then have a man tugging and cutting into your testicles while he tries to have an everyday conversation with you. I assure you he was a legitimate doctor, not “vasectomies to go,” but it WAS coupon day. PennySaver.

After the lovely burning smell of my tubes getting cauterized, he told me to “wait a week before ejaculating.” He didn’t say, “before having sex,” he said, “before ejaculating.” I said, “we either know each other, or you know I’m married.”

He said in 4 weeks, or 20 ejaculations, whichever comes first, to go get a fertility test. He actually said, “so in a week have sex, or just masturbate a bunch.” Now THAT’S a prescription I’ll TAKE refills on please.

So of course, I got to 10,000 miles before the scheduled tune-up. One way or another. It was tough to wait that first week. I wanted to make sure everything was still working, besides the ability to impregnate. Everything seemed to work ok.

So, of course I had to do another fertility test. Or I guess an infertility test. This one was a little more important. Instead of checking to SEE if you’re shooting blanks, it’s to CONFIRM you’re shooting blanks so it’s OK to shoot your gun off in non-combat situations.

I’d done this before, I was an old pro. Plus I’d just had a couple of weeks of “collection” practice. I do my collection, race to the lab, and the receptionist it flirting it up with some Dad who’d just dropped off HIS sample. I wonder if she helped him COLLECT it. I wonder how his volume was.

They must have noticed me jumping up and down or heard me clearing my throat. They finished up and I approached. She distractedly told me to put mine in the bin “with all the others” and that she’d “get to it.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I reluctantly left my sample in the bin and waited for the go/nogo call.

In a few days I got the call from the doctor’s office, and the nurse told me I “was good to go.” I was back in the game, coach.

Turns out in the end it was all OK, I WAS good to go and shooting blanks, 3 to 5 times a week, just like my wife suspected all along.